belief.

I am so good at looking at someone and seeing their potential.  I can see their worth as a person and how much they matter to other people.  I want them to know this truth about themselves.  I am good at proclaiming this truth over them and telling them how much God loves them.  I completely believe it.  I believe it so much that I ache for them to believe it in themselves, and sometimes even get frustrated when they don't.  Then I walk away and I realize I don't believe any of it about myself....

Sometimes I believe it.  I believe it more now than I used to believe it, but still most days are riddled with thoughts of disbelief.  Somehow the devil tricks me into thinking that there's some special exception for me.  That God does love and have these amazing plans for everyone, but me.  I look at my life and only see my faults.  I'm always trying to get better and better but nothing ever seems to really stick.  I just keep failing.  Over and over.  And once I conquer one problem another occurs.  It's a never-ending cycle.  

It hit me the other day.  It comes down to this simple fact.  Do I truly believe the Gospel?  The Gospel of grace and forgiveness.  I can't believe it for someone else, but not believe it for myself.  It's as simple as that.  There is no clause in the Bible "except Cathy" when it talks about grace, forgiveness, and most importantly love.  There also is no verse in the Bible that says you must be perfect to inherit the Kingdom.  That's exactly what grace is for.  What I claim to believe.  If I sit down and truly believe it, and think about myself in terms of it I realize that I will never be perfect.  I will never stop messing up.  And it truly is a never ending cycle.  But it's ok.  It's ok for me to have a bad day.  It's ok for me to screw up.  It's ok for me to not be perfect.  I have to get out of my own perfectionist head to see that I indeed just have to be exactly who I already am for God to love me and cover me completely with his grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  I have to choose to believe to walk in that fully and not continually punish myself for messing up, but to acknowledge my wrongdoing, change from it, and move on.  I am actually quite wonderful just the way I am.  Imperfections and all.  If it's good enough for God then it's definitely good enough for me.  It's just that daily to decision to believe I'm worth it.  Just like every other person in the world is worth it.  Why else would He have created us?  

through your eyes

That moment. That precious beautiful moment when God opens your eyes to what He sees. You can only stay in that moment for just a second because the glory of it all is just too overwhelming. Your heart is bubbling over with love. Not earthly love like you feel for your family, friends, and loved ones, but something so much deeper. Something words cannot express. Something you never want to lose. I love intimate times with my Father when I get that moment. There's nothing more romantic, more special, more beautiful. But what I love even more than that personal moment is when He gives me the moment when I look at someone else. Looking deep into someone's eyes and seeing how much they are loved and matter to the Savior of their soul.

Seeing someone as God sees them is a precious gift. It makes you forget about your life and your worries and shifts your perspective to something bigger. Something eternal. When we leave this earth do you really think it will matter what car we drive, what phone we have, what clothes we wear? It's so easy to say of course not, but why when you get up and walk away from this will these temporal things most likely be on your mind? I don't have an answer for you since I am the worst of all at doing this. Even when I was on the World Race being the "super good Christian" I was supposed to be, I still often thought about what was for dinner or what I was missing at home or when I was going to get some sleep.  There's something about us humans that thinks the world should revolve around us even when we don't notice we're doing it. It's always about what makes us happy and how bad situations should end in our life immediately. But what about people that the bad situation never ends? 

Poverty, sickness, sex slavery, disabilities, abuse, neglect, on and on. I always wonder about those people who fight to stay alive every day. Who never just get to sit and eat and laugh with friends. Who are always wondering if someone or something will ever redeem them from this place of sorrow and helplessness. I always wonder how God feels for them. Does He ache for them? Cry for them? 

Then you have that moment. You look into their eyes and you feel just a touch of that ache that God feels.  But what you feel even more than the ache is Love. Radical, life changing, live saving, redemptive, freeing love. And you know there's a special place in Gods heart for them. They are royalty in His eyes and even if they don't appear to be freed of all the horrible things in the world, He has a plan for them after this world.  And that's where we come in. We get to have those moments to remind us of the one thing that matters. Souls. My pastor said it best when he said, "You don't have to look far to see Gods faithfulness and promise. It's called the Cross." We don't have to look far around us to see someone who needs this Cross.  And we don't have to look very far into ourselves to see how much we need this Cross.  These moments, precious glimpses of what the Father feels, don't happen enough. But even when they don't happen, we can still strive for the correct perspective. Kingdom perspective. Every situation, every moment matters. There isn't one that happens on accident. So I hope not to waste these even on the worst of days. 

Forever I am humbled and in awe of the love Christ has for me. He never gives up. He never lets go. And He never lets down.

"Listen, my dear brothers:  Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?"

James 2:5