Due to some blog block and my less-than-exciting personal life, it's been awhile since I've posted. I had lots of good time with friends and family over the holidays. 2014 just snuck itself on in, didn't it?! My mind is blown that we are already halfway through the first month of the new year!
Since my delayed departure date of October, my days seem to look the same...working after school care at the Y, doing some administrative tasks for Angie and Beacon of Hope, and encouraging myself to start learning Portuguese (lots of encouragement without much follow through). I have to say the last few months have been hard, and now I seem to be running on some sort of auto-pilot. With my departure date depending on when Angie gets her support in, there seemed to be no end in sight. It's kind of like I was operating like I wasn't ever going to Africa. Sure, I would tell people "the plan" when I saw them, but I had little faith that I would actually step foot on a plane. It still is a struggle to see this time of waiting as worthwhile. I know the Lord is working all kinds of crazy stuff out in me, I just haven't seen the fruit of it yet. And it may be a long time before I ever understand why it had to happen like this.
About two weeks ago, I was talking to Angie on the phone, and she was expressing that she was ready to go home to Mozambique. I of course share the sentiment that I'm ready to get there as well. We talked a little about how I was using my time, and I realized most of my day was filled with laziness. I had fallen into the belief that I wasn't going so I didn't need to do anything. Pretty disgusting, I know. After that phone call, I decided the laziness was over. I had enough "rest" time, and I needed to start believing and working towards a departure date. Even if I only have time for thirty minutes, I try to spend some time every day working on something for my trip, Beacon of Hope, or Angie. I did a minor face lift to the Beacon of Hope website, have started working on some curriculum for Bible class and staff development, am reading some books for my missions organization, and am trying to organize all the other random thoughts that pop into my head about the year there. Learning Portuguese is on the list but still does not have the check mark next to it. It has been good, and even though I haven't seen a whole lot accomplished, I know this is how my time needs to be spent until I do get to leave. A couple of days ago, I talked to Angie again, and she gave me even more hope. She said to plan on leaving for Mozambique March 15! We are walking in faith that March 15 is our departure date, and that is how we are behaving. This really should set a fire under me to get things accomplished.
It is crazy that I believed that I never would make it to Africa. I guess that's a natural reaction when things don't seem to be going my way. God has shown me so much favor regarding this trip. That's why I can't figure out why I even doubted. He has blessed me with amazing friends and family offering encouraging and supportive words through every step of the process. He provided me with an amazing church family that helped me get all the money I needed in for the year at a missions lunch at church earlier this month. He supplied all my other monthly and one-time supporters in record time. He confirmed His calling on my life through other people - some I didn't even know. It makes me sad that I lost faith in Him even though He was there doing all these things the whole time. Even now, Satan is trying to take this faith away from me. It all comes down to the decision I have to make daily. Will I believe the truth or a lie? Will I walk boldly in faith and hope, believing God is reliable, faithful, dependable, and good? Or will I walk in self-absorption, desiring things to look and be exactly the way I want them to be?
Harsh truths. But my reality. Walking by faith is not easy and will most likely end up taking us some strange way we didn't even see coming. But it's the only way that's worth taking.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1
We live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them."
Isaiah 42:16
