one day late

Last night as I was getting snuggled up in bed, I decided to browse Facebook for awhile.  I quickly found a common theme on my News Feed.  My fellow U-squaders were all posting about our 2 year anniversary since setting foot back on U.S. soil after the craziest 11 months of our lives.  Of course at this point I was too tired to form sentences much less post meaningful reflections.  So now, one day late, I will celebrate my 2 year anniversary of returning to the beautiful US of A after putting on a backpack and trekking around the world.

I still struggle to even describe that year.  Occasionally, I find myself speechless when asked what my favorite country was.  I can quickly tell you my least favorite country, but my favorite is much harder to decide on.  So many days of that trip were not pretty, but it was through the constant brokenness that the Lord met me and healed me.  I cannot even begin to express the gratitude to the Lord and to every single person who supported, prayed for, and encouraged me.  It meant so much to know I had such an amazing support system partnering with me as I brought the Kingdom of God to the nations.  So THANK YOU to every one of you!!! You are truly spectacular people, and I am humbled and honored to know you.

As I traveled from Thailand to Moldova, I saw the Lord work in unusual and miraculous ways.  I saw glimpses of the Kingdom come to heal lives and souls.  I saw people healed, demons cast out, and true community at work.  I endured long, ridiculous travel days and days of extreme exhaustion when I only partially functioned.  I was healed of struggles that had plagued me for most of my life.  I was truly changed forever.

I thought when I got home from the World Race, I would get to live a "normal" life finally.  I was looking forward to settling down, working a full time job, and moving out of my parents house (LOVE YOU mom and dad!).  But that's not what happened.  I struggled with a lot.  I had many dark days filled with doubt and questions.  Through career changes and counseling sessions, the Lord continued to teach me through the Race even though I was home.  He continued to heal and transform me.  For that reason, I would not change a single bad day, on the Race or since I've been home.  It has led me to this new exciting season that I wouldn't have ended up otherwise.  It has shaped me to become more like Christ in the most beautiful way.

So today I celebrate the end of one journey that led to the beginning of a whole new one.  Without that crazy, unreal, amazing, life-changing year who knows where or who I would be.

home sweet huntsville

I finally made it back to Huntsville after traveling all over Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and even into east Texas the last week and a half.  Angie made it back to the States a little over a month ago to support raise and resolve her visa issues.  I am doing all that I can to help her so we can get over to Mozambique.  That includes driving all over the South apparently!  During this trip we got to speak at a couple of churches, spend time with tons of Angie's friends and supporters, and visit with friends from our missions organization, Globe International.  It was an EXHAUSTING journey to say the least.  We spent more time in the car than doing anything else, even sleeping.  Some things changed and some things went exactly as planned.  Oh the flexibility of being a missionary, even just raising support!  The whole trip ended up being full of fun and laughter.  I got to meet so many people that I know will be faithfully praying for me, Angie, and the ministry.  We could see God's hand all over our time.  Even on our most exhausted days when we just wanted to sleep and not be 'on', God was there blessing us.  Actually those were the times that turned out to be the best!  In our weakness, He is strong, right?!  We had unplanned divine appointments left and right from meeting a random woman in an elevator to encouraging a group of recovering addicts.  It was super cool to see God at work through Beacon of Hope - Africa right here in the US!

We are fervently praying to leave for Mozambique by the end of February.  This is an optimistic goal, but God can handle it.  Please join us in praying for both mine and Angie's support to be complete by then.  Thank you for your prayers!!

dream big

My time with my Middle school girls has done it again!  This time it was not so pleasant, but I love being able to walk away from my time with them having learned something so important.  This week in our Bible study, we were talking about the girls' future and how the decisions they make now affect it.  We talked about the dreams each of them have for the future.  I remember having so many dreams for my life when I was their age.  But as I sat in on the discussion regarding these things, I noticed how uncomfortable I felt.  It was kind of like a hurt, defeated, maybe even punished feeling.  Where did my dreams go and why did these feelings replace them?

Throughout my life, I've had good dreams, stupid dreams, and unrealistic dreams.  Many of my dreams changed and shifted in a natural progression as I grew up and matured.  Some of my dreams happened and were awesome.  Others happened and were nothing like I expected them to be.  The rest were shattered by life and circumstances.  I never expected the last thing to happen.  I wasn't prepared.  When it did happen, those dreams were replaced with hurt and vulnerability - two things I was not comfortable with.  So I guess I decided whether consciously or not, that dreams were not worth having if they were going to leave me in a pile on the floor broken and hurting.

As we were talking with the girls about how endless the possibilities of their lives were, I found myself bitter and doubtful.  I didn't fully believe the things I am supposed to be teaching.  Having dreams hurts you.  I realized that I don't have one single dream for my future anymore.  Yes, sure I have a plan for the next year that I'm super excited about.  Then what?  I don't have anything I am looking forward to or working hard for.  I see tasks in my days ahead that yes will be fulfilling and yes will hopefully be God-honoring but are not things I've dreamt about.  There's something wrong with that.

After some prayer I realized, the enemy has stolen my ability to dream.  He has tricked me into believing that dreaming for a future is wrong and hurtful because I will be disappointed.  He has taken away the ability for me to hope in and work for something.  As I think about the world around me, the people I've met along the way, I've seen this lie repeated over and over again.  Children, teenagers, adults.  He's stealing people's dreams left and right.  He's taking away their innocence and hopefulness.  He's replacing it with feelings of defeat, bitterness, doubt, and fear.  He's tricked us into thinking that the dreams God gives us are not worth having or pursuing.  He's a jerk.

I am no longer going to let the enemy take this precious part of my life.  I have a God who's big and has BIG dreams for me.  I will not be scared to dream and pursue those dreams.  I will fight hard to get my dreams back and keep dreaming.   No matter how old I get, how busy I am, or how bored I am, I will never stop dreaming again.  I am victorious!  Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band say it best in the song Take Back,

It's in the Blood of the One who's Worthy
I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken
So come and see the turning of the tides
Come and see his sons and daughters rise

For how could He who did not spare His own Son
Not freely give us victory against the darkness of nights

We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen
We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen

God wants us to dream.  He wants us to have a hope in the future that He has for us.  He gives us dreams.  He transforms dreams.  He takes dreams away.  His love for us is the driving force behind it all.  If He takes a dream away, trust He will replace it with a new, better one.  Seek out dreams.  Live out dreams. Life is always full of endless opportunities at every age and every stage of life.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for wholeness and not for evil,

to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

the waiting game

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes things change.  Sometimes you have the best plan with the best intention and everything comes unraveled.  Sometimes you believe that you're doing exactly what God wants you to do when God wants you to do it, and He reminds you that your ways are not His ways and your thoughts are not your thoughts.  This is the cold hard truth I'm currently facing.  Some of you have heard, others not, but my plan to leave for Mozambique in October has completely come undone.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, my departure date has been delayed for possibly up to 6 months.  As of right now, I actually have no idea when I'll be able to leave!

A little explanation, Angie (who I'm going to serve with in Mozambique) is having to return home at the end of September for visa problems.  This is a blessing in disguise though because her ministry is in some desperate needs of support raising.  So as Angie comes home to support raise and visit friends and family, I must stay put waiting to depart for my adventure at a later date.  Some cool stuff though, I'm going to get to travel around and help Angie support raise for the ministry!  I think it will be super fun to travel with her as well as share our vision with people all over the U.S.  

It hasn't been the easiest to be cool with this latest change of plans.  I instantly began my earthly worrying about how I'm going to be able to afford monthly expenses, how I'm going to get my own support in when I'm helping Angie support raise, and how in the world I'll be able to pay for trips all over the U.S. on a very minimal income.  I feel like I'm stuck, almost standing still, waiting for the next phase of my life to begin.  Frustration, overwhelmingness (yep, that's a real word), and sadness have all plagued me for a couple of weeks now.  When I have to tell my friends/family/supporters the news, I feel like I'm letting them down, like I was deceiving them.  Obviously I had no idea this would happen, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, and everyone seems to understand that...except me. 

A couple weeks ago, I was hanging out with my middle school beauties at church, and my co-leader was teaching about transforming our minds to that of Christ's mind.  God rocked my world with this lesson reminding me that my mind should not be full of frustration, overwhelmingness, and sadness because of the recent events, but instead should be focused on all the awesome things that God is going to do through me and Angie during this time at home.

whatever is true,

whatever is honorable,

whatever is just,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is commendable,

if there is any excellence,

if there is anything worthy of praise,

think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

God's plan and will for this short span of time I have on earth is exactly what I should be thinking about.  It is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and worthy of praise.  Why would I let the devil have the minor victory of declaring frustration and sadness over me when I have an awesome, sovereign God whose plan is way better than mine anyways?  I have the honor of being a part of making the name of Jesus Christ the most famous name of all.  I don't want to waste that, not a single minute.  So this time home will not be a time of sitting around and waiting but will be a time of meaningful, productive Kingdom work where the Lord of all creation will receive all the glory and honor and praise.  

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

Because your steadfast love

is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

Psalm 63:3

orientated

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of heading down to beautiful Pensacola, FL for intern orientation with my missions organization, Globe International.  I’m going to be honest when I say I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.  You’d think I’d be past the point of trying to have expectations, but I’m not!  I actually wasn’t even that excited about it.  I felt like it was one more thing I had to go get done before I could leave.  But God had other plans regarding this time, THANKFULLY!  

Pretty much as soon as I stepped into Globe, I felt at home.  The staff and other interns were warm and inviting.  All the feelings I had been having to hurry this thing along melted away.  I got to share life with some truly encouraging women and men of God, who were all there for the same purpose - to make God’s name known and glorified throughout the nations.  I feel so blessed that God has given me this wonderful family to be a part of as I serve Him in Mozambique.  The three days I spent there felt more like three weeks, but as soon as it was over and I was gone I missed everyone dearly.  

The thing that I loved about Globe is their heart to support, encourage, and equip you to serve wherever the Lord has called you.  They have missionaries all over the world doing a variety of ministries.  Just at our intern orientation, we had a couple going to work at an orphanage in Nicaragua, a lady who had begun her own child sponsorship program for youth in Honduras, a guy who was working at a surf ministry in San Diego, another woman who had no idea where God was going to lead her, and me going to Mozambique to work with Mozambican youth!  As you can see, it doesn’t matter what our ministry looked like or even where we were serving, Globe was there, ready to do what it takes to get us to the field.

God is so good!  I love to see Him at work in every detail of my life.  He cares even about the smallest things.  I am so blessed and thankful for my encouraging, life-giving time at intern orientation and am excited that I get to partner with these wonderful people throughout my ministry!!

Also, online giving was set up while I was there, for those of you who wanted to give but were waiting for that! 

Click here to give!

You can give a one-time gift or set up monthly giving if you so desire!  Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and encouragement!  I couldn’t do this if it weren’t for spectacular people such as you!

safety first

As most of you have read in the last post, I'm packing up and heading to Africa for awhile.  It should be loads of fun with a few tears here and there as I spend a year at Beacon of Hope in Mozambique.  There is a need there that is becoming more and more pressing on my mind and my heart.  Angie has been trying to raise funds to build a concrete security wall around her property for awhile now.  With increased thefts in the community and even on Angie's property, she's feeling the heat to protect what God has entrusted her with.   Costly supplies donated by her support base have come up missing more and more frequently.  Puppies were even stolen from her property!  For peace of mind and protection of property, Angie is really pressing the fund raising for the wall.  The problem is other needs arise, supplies and workers needed are very costly, and the lot of land is big so this keeps getting pushed to the back-burner.  To build the wall is going to cost around $25,000.  Yeah, that's a lot of money, but God is big and faithful and will provide!  I personally would love to see the wall built before I get there just as increased security.  I mean I am a young, single woman living in Africa - any extra security measures are welcome!!  If you are interested in partnering with Angie, Beacon of Hope, and me please consider giving to this very important cause!  Any gift, $5, $100, $1000 is welcome, appreciated, and needed!  There is no gift too small.  Help Angie continue to be faithful to her supporters, ministry, and family!

If you would like to give, please click on the link below.  Please write "Security wall" in the additional comments section so we make sure the funds go to the right place.  Thank you so much for your time, prayers, and gifts!!

Click here to give!

the beautiful pursuit

I HATE it that it takes me so long to be obedient to God.  I make Him jump through hoops to prove to me that His plan really is the best plan.  Then I reluctantly give in.  

I LOVE it that God never gives up on me and always pushes me into His uncomfortable but amazing plans.  He knows what’s best and is not at all surprised when I make Him prove it.  He just patiently waits on me to come around and then lovingly eases me into whatever He has next for me.  He’s always gentle, always patient, and always pushing me to more.  I am so lucky to have a Father like Him.

The past year a half (post-World Race) has been rough.  Most of you know this by now through conversations with me, blogs I’ve written, or just my absence from the social scene.  I have experienced many emotions and gotten to my lowest point.  I doubted God, didn’t see a reason to be alive anymore, and saw no purpose to anything I was doing.  I told God I would do anything He wanted me to do, but in reality I meant, “I’ll do anything you want me to do as long as it’s something I want to do.  And as long as you give me a husband and a family I so desperately want.  And as long as it’s just a few hours away from my family and friends because I missed them for a whole year, and I’m not about to give that up again!”  Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of “obedience” to God before?  Like I’m willing to do what you ask as long as you do what I ask first.  

Through this half-hearted obedience to God, I walked out this last year and a half.  Needless to say I was VERY angry at God when He didn’t give in to my commands.  I was angry at God when I prayed for dreams of my future, and He didn’t give me anything but goofy, stupid dreams that would never happen.  I was angry at God when I felt like a loser for being 25 years old still living in my parents house with NO CLUE as to what I was going to do with my life.  I was angry at God when I logically went through the steps of quitting my job and starting nursing school, but I still didn’t have any peace.  I was angry at God that my heart hurt ALL the time.  As you can see, anger at God was the norm for me.  I became really good at just living with it.  I was able to numb away the pain so I barely felt it any more.  I was able to go through the motions of school, even enjoy it sometimes, so I would tell myself I guess this is what I’m supposed to do.  I was able to smile and put on a happy face when I had to go to church and interact with others.  I learned how to hide this anger quite well.  

I still had that lingering thought that I was missing something though, that if I really was willing to truly be obedient to God He would have something awesome for me to do.  But I always dismissed it because honestly I wanted the American dream.  I didn’t want to live half way across the world.  I didn’t want to be a support based missionary.  I didn’t want to give up my family, my friends, and even my bed all over again.  I did want to get married, have a family, and live in a house with a white picket fence.  I did want to have a job that I loved that enabled me to provide for me and my family without anyone else’s assistance.  This was the life I was working towards, and honestly I think God would have blessed me in it.  I think He would have dulled the pain, if not completely erased it.  He would have let me go to nursing school, get a good job, and maybe even do some medical missions.  He might have eventually given me a husband, a house, and a few kiddos.  He’s that kind of Father.  He would have loved and blessed me in that life because it was what I wanted so desperately, and I had (kind of) stepped out in faith to obtain.

But I kept having this lingering feeling that I was supposed to go back to Mozambique (to Beacon of Hope - the ministry I LOVED on the Race).  As soon as I got my acceptance letter to nursing school, going to Mozambique was all I could think about. Now of course, I did not want to commit to moving there because that’s ridiculously far away.  But now I had a full-proof plan for the American dream in place so it was safe for me to return there without the risk of having to move there.  I bought a plane ticket, packed my bags, and headed back to the place and the ministry that I loved so much on the World Race.  

Stepping off that airplane and into Mozambican culture was like coming home.  My heart was overwhelmed with the joy I felt for being there, and I wasn’t even with Angie at Beacon of Hope yet.  By the time I met up with Angie and Popo, and we drove to Beacon of Hope, all the anger and pain of the last year and a half had melted away.  That night I laid awake overflowing with excitement and joy.  The next day I got up and spent some time with Angie and her family then spent a little time with the boys.  Wow, the love I have this place and these people is indescribable.  I have never felt this way about any place or any thing.  I laid in bed the second night, and I knew, for sure, 100%, this was where I was supposed to be.  All of my doubts, all of my fears, all of my pain, all of my rage were gone.  I was ALIVE.  I spent the rest of the month encouraging Angie, doing Bible classes with the boys, teaching Popinho (Angie’s youngest son) preschool, and lots of office work to help Angie get back on her feet after she had been gone from the ministry for six months.  It felt like I had been there forever, but the time also seemed to fly by.  I couldn’t believe my month was up, and it was already time to leave.  I was heartbroken, but relieved to know I was coming back.

God had finally got through to me.  It took me going back to the place that I loved so much on the Race for me to GET IT.  It took a plane trip half way across the world for me to understand and see where God was calling me all along.  Like I mentioned earlier, I had asked God for the last year and a half to please give me dreams of things I would do in my future as a source of direction and confirmation, and I had yet to be given anything substantial.  Every single night I was at Beacon of Hope, I dreamt about serving at Beacon of Hope.  I saw myself loving on the boys, loving on the community, and loving on Angie and her family.  God knew I had to come there to remember my passion for this place.  He knew I wouldn’t believe Him unless He took me there and told me that it was going to be OK for me to leave my family and friends back home because this was home.  I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I at least know now that it’s all worth it.  I was reminded that I would survive, and that empowering these boys to take a hold of their own future through education is exactly what I want and need to do.  Since coming to this realization and making this decision, I have not had a single doubt.  I am confident, more confident than I’ve ever been of anything in my whole life, that this is where I’m supposed to be.

My plan is to return in October as an intern for a one year commitment.  I’m pretty sure I will be there longer than a year, but it’s a good place to start.  I am going through the missions organization Globe International.  I am going to be support based, and hope to raise $26,000 for the year - $1,900 in monthly support and $3,200 in one time gifts.  I am looking for people to partner with me in this ministry - financially and spiritually.  I am going as a servant, as a representative for a whole group of people that believe in these boys and are fighting for their futures.  I am going as an ambassador of Christ and an appendage of the body of Christ that hopes to bring the grace and love of the Gospel to the beautiful people of Mozambique. There is also nothing better than prayer support!  You have no idea how much your prayers are felt and needed as I begin this new journey God has before me.

For those of you who don’t remember this ministry from when I was on the World Race:  Beacon of Hope Africa is dedicated to building up and sending out men of God into Mozambique.  It is a place where boys become men - men of honor and integrity, men broken of generational curses of witchcraft and spirits of poverty, men who always fight for and stand up for what’s right.  This is the next generation.  This is the generation that has the potential to change Mozambique.  Every three years, ten new boys come and live at Beacon of Hope.  These boys are not necessarily orphans, but they are underprivileged and are lacking the resources to get a proper education.  These are boys that have probably never had any one believe in them and encourage them to succeed.  These boys need love, grace, and an awesome mom (Angie) to push them to become more than they ever thought they could be.  I love that this ministry empowers those who feel completely powerless through education and Christ.

This is a run down of what I will be doing at Beacon of Hope for the year: 

• Education - I will be teaching classes like Bible, English, and others to the boys.  In January we are getting 10 new boys to begin a new 3 year program!! By going back in October, I can begin working with Angie preparing curriculum for the new boys as well as fixing up and preparing their rooms and other things that need to get done before they arrive.
• Office work - I will be assisting Angie in the dull, monotonous paperwork that is required to run your own ministry.
• Preschool - I will be working with Popinho on preschool.
• Girl’s minsitry - This is something I’m very excited about!  Angie has a 13 year old daughter, Enia.  I’m getting the privilege to start a weekly Bible study with Enia and her friends.  These girls don’t have youth group or anything like I had growing up.  They don’t have any strong female Christian examples but Angie.  They need some female guidance besides just Enia’s mom, and I am so excited to get to be that for them!  I have done youth and college aged ministry for many years now, and I love to see how all of it was preparing me for this.  I’m hoping that this will be a safe place for the girls that come, and we end up being able to have real discussions about the hard stuff in life that they may not get to talk about with anyone else.
• Community outreach - Part of the ministry is preparing and equipping the boys to serve in their own communities.  This involves VBS for the local kids, going to the bush for medical clinics, and hopefully beginning a sports outreach program for the kids that come and play soccer at the field on Beacon of Hope’s property.  It is so important to teach these boys that they are capable of serving others around them and equipping them to go out and do it.  
• Staff Development - Angie runs her ministry through Mozambican staff.  The cultural differences and even laws regarding employment drastically change the work ethic of a Mozambican as compared to an American.  Teaching and training the staff to have a good, honest work ethic based on the Bible and Christ’s teachings is imperative to a successful ministry.  I will be able to help Angie do staff training to remind them or maybe even teach them for the first time how Christ says we should work as if we are serving Him not others.  

Thank you for reading my ramblings and for following me along the journey so far.  God keeps surprising me, and even though it always takes me awhile to come around He’s always there, waiting for me, calling me to Him.  I am so excited about what this next chapter will bring, and I am so excited that He has chosen us to go through this adventure together.  Thank you for your support and encouragement through the years already as well as what is going to come!  

Currently the only way to give is through sending a check to Globe International.  An opportunity for online giving may be available in future!

If you would like to give, please send a check to:

Globe International

P.O. Box 3040

Pensacola, FL 32516

Make checks payable to: Globe International

Please put my name in the Memo line: Cathy Callicutt

Worship Night 2011

Community VBS 2011

 

World Race team and boys 2011

Me and the boys and staff 2013

                                      

                                     

The boys 2013

  

Me and Angie 2013

Me and Enia 2011

Me and Popinho 2013